


Begin Again

by iiizzzunicorn



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 17:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1752899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iiizzzunicorn/pseuds/iiizzzunicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his first major heartbreak, Zayn thinks his life will stay lonely forever. But love isn't everything, right? He's got college to look forward to. Soon enough he'll be leaving home and starting his own life adventure, meeting new people and going to new places. Surely in the grand scheme of things, this shouldn't be hurting him as much as it is, yet he can't seem to think straight anymore. That is until the night he meets Liam - a boy who convinces him this break up may be the greatest thing that'll ever happen to him. But what would this guy know? He's only just met Zayn, and they'll probably never even see each other again. Maybe.</p>
<p>A totally typical and cliche Ziam love story because that's just how I like them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Begin Again

**Author's Note:**

> I admit my summary sucks. It's a bit intimidating posting a Ziam fic on here because there are so many good ones. Hopefully this will be enjoyed by at least one person. This is only the beginning of what will hopefully be a full-fledged chapter fic. It's a bit long, but there was a lot I needed to write and get out the way before I could start on the super good things. Anyways, enjoy and feel free to leave feedback!

**_ Zayn’s Journal Entry – August 1st, 2013 _ **

_You would think that the summer holiday right before your freshmen year of college would be one of the most memorable and exciting of them all. High school is over. Graduation is over. It’s all supposed to come together at this point. It should be your last summer where you could truly still consider yourself a child. It should be filled with misadventures, maybe a few parties, classic red plastic cups that teenagers illegally sip gallons of alcohol out of even though they’re not the age where they should be. There should be at least a hundred of the same moments where your parents complain about you doing not much else besides bumming around on the sofa in the middle of the afternoon with a giant bag of greasy potato chips at your side and a computer on your lap while you message all your friends on Facebook bitching about how incredibly bored you are. You’d probably expect a seventeen year old boy to spend most of his spare time during the summer hooking up with a countless number of other desperate, sex-craving people, then heading to the clinic to be tested for any STDs that may have been passed on because he may or may not have remembered to use protection. Okay, maybe that last part sounds a bit extreme. I probably have just been watching way too many teenage dramas on TV, but seriously shouldn’t this summer be amazing? Or at least something more than it is. However, this is not the case. It was never the case, and now it will never ever be the case, at least in the foreseeable future. I know a lot of people are probably getting sick of me and my feelings at this point. I’ve pretty much let it affect me for the past two months. How could I possibly have any more to say about the whole sad situation? Well that’s easy. Every damn day has done nothing but suck since THAT happened. I still continue to see the whole thing as a complete waste of my life at this point, but whatever. Broken hearts are hard to mend, especially one as broken as mine. It wasn’t just broken. It was ripped out of my chest, then stabbed repeatedly, then dropped onto a dirty floor filled with infectious diseases, then stomped on even more, then kicked around a soccer field filled with nine year old boys who don’t really play but just compete to see who can kick the ball the furthest, then picked up and thrown into a trash can that’s supplied with nothing but rotting food sitting in the hot summer sun, then taken to the dump for incineration. That’s exactly what happened and any person out there who tries to convince me of anything different can kiss my ass, and not just because it’s now available for kissing. All I have done is mope. There are absolutely zero things crossed out on the list of summer accomplishments I made for myself, probably because there was nothing on that list that didn’t require a boyfriend. Oh freaking well. Things change I guess, and sadly so do the people you thought you knew the best. A few more weeks is all it’s going to take. Then I’ll be moving on to bigger and better things that a lot of my peers probably will never be able to grasp in their fingertips. Let’s hope this year turns out fine. I have dreams I’d like to come true. Yeah, I’m done with this excessive amount of rambles alluding to the same exact subject. It’s time for me to be a happy person and not a downer. The sympathy period is over_

Zayn Malik sat motionless in a chair as he flicked his pen across his work desk. The amount of journal writing he’d done had been apparent through the very little amount of black ink left within the pen’s contents. The desk lamp before him was dim, only light enough to glow across the pages filled with the words from his own head. Countless broken hearted words strung together to form even more depressing sentences that for some reason wouldn’t leave him alone. Writing was one of the few methods that seemed to work at putting Zayn at ease. He could draw too, but his drawings weren’t that great nor as affective as words.

It was well after the time any decent human being would go to sleep, but it was summer so Zayn couldn’t find it in himself to care. Sleeping had been hard to do anyways. His head felt empty now and he found himself staring blankly at the wall before him. The silence felt disturbing. There was nothing to distract him from not feeling okay.

Zayn made his way to his bed and lied down above the blankets. The summer heat was too much, and it was made it even harder because Zayn needed blankets to fall asleep. He needed to feel tucked and secured. He tossed and turned for what seemed like hours trying to find a comfortable position. At one point Zayn believed that maybe if he hung his head off the bed and upside down, it would help his stupid thoughts fall out of his head and give him peace.

_Nope._

Sleeping was the thing that scared Zayn the most after the break up. It felt like every time he closed his eyes he’d see the boy who he missed so dearly. He invaded Zayn’s dreams and turned them into nightmares. No matter how many times he told himself that he was done and moving on, he’d wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. The repeated feeling of his heart shattering in his sleep made him never want to close his eyes ever again. And this was saying a lot because when Zayn in perfectly himself, there is absolutely nothing that gets in the way of him and a good snooze.

Eventually Zayn was able to drift off…

The slumber didn’t last as long as he’d hoped though. Of course his fears came true and closing his eyes to sleep only made the bad thoughts worse because Zayn couldn’t control what he dreamed of. And there _he_ was. That stupid boy. The image quickly shook Zayn awake.

The sun was unbearably bright, even despite the fact that he had large black curtains that were supposed to cover up any bit of sunlight. The radiance of the sun peaked through every slight crack and somehow ended up shining right up against Zayn’s shut eyelids.

What a shitty night.

What a shitty life.

Zayn stayed lying in his bed with his eyes tightly shut. His hair was becoming unruly for his own standards, and he became unnervingly aware of each thick black strand. The white tank top wrapped around his torso began to close in on his skin as the rising of the sun once again made his room too hot to deal with.

Waking up alone in bed was rough. And not just the actual fact that he was literally alone in bed, but what seemed to be a loneliness in all areas of life. No matter how long it had been since he last saw Cliff, Zayn couldn’t shake the want and the need for the other boy. Sure they’d only dated for a bit over a year, but that short amount of time seemed like a lot when you’re young and have only been alive for a mere 18 years.

Now his life was different because everything he’d had in the last year was gone. It didn’t seem to be getting any easier either. Zayn’s chest still always felt simultaneously heavy and empty. The feeling of something so important missing, but also the weight of his own sad emotions pulling him down and letting him sink into the darkest depths.

_Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it. You’re fine. Stop._

With a quick upward push, Zayn was reluctantly standing and heading towards the bathroom to begin yet another shitty day during this shitty summer. It wouldn’t be like this for long though. Zayn did have something to look forward to. He was moving out from his family home and into a dorm to begin his first year of university in a few weeks.

The school he was attending was only an hour away from his family so it was close enough to feel comfortable coming back whenever and far enough that he’d actually be able to feel like he was being independent. This would be the fresh start he needed. He’d be able to meet new people, mature people, and people with actual goals in life. It was time for Zayn to let go of the past – just forget about everything and move on.

He and Cliff didn’t really have an official break-up, but they’d been separate for long enough that it probably was, as one of his best friend’s Louis liked to put it, unofficially official. Well Cliff obviously didn’t want anything to do with Zayn any longer so he just had to pretend like he didn’t want Cliff either. Simple enough.

Walking down the hallway of his soon-to-be-former home Zayn took a sharp right around a corner running straight into his mother, Trisha. He never saw his mother in the mornings, and he soon realized that he wasn’t aware of time it was. Usually even after waking up, Zayn still stayed hidden in his room for a few hours before coming out – the result of feeling nothing but petty teenage anguish these past few months.

“Sweetheart, you scared me! It’s seven in the morning. Normally you’re all still fast asleep at this time” Trisha’s voice was quiet likely keeping her it low to not wake anyone.

“I was just going to the bathroom, didn’t mean to startle you.” Zayn said.

“Did you have any plans for the day? I could call Doniya and ask her if she could look after the little ones for a few hours.” Trisha asked while smiling, as if the thought of Zayn having plans was the most exciting thing.

“No, I’ll be around the house. Don’t worry.” Zayn stated flatly.

“Sweetheart, it’s not your younger sisters I’m worried about. It’s you. You just haven’t been yourself for so long now. I know things with Cliff –“

Zayn rushed his words interrupting his mother as she spoke. “Mom, please. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Moping around the house for two months does not seem like fine.” Trisha sighed.

“Well I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, honestly. I’ve had time to think. I’m better now.” Zayn said, try to sound as convincing as he could.

The two stood in the middle of the hallway in complete awkward silence. Zayn knew his mother wasn’t buying into what he was saying, yet he assumed he put her in a place where she felt she shouldn’t push him anymore. Zayn didn’t think that wallowing in self-pity over a break up made his mother sad too. He never meant to do that.

It would be hard, but he decided to really convince his mother that he was getting better.

“Actually, like I forgot. I have plans with Louis and Niall tonight.”

“Really now? What will you be doing?” Trisha lit up with a half-smile, and Zayn knew his plan was beginning to work.

“Not sure quite yet. Hang around town. Eat. Maybe catch a movie. Typical teen things.” Zayn said.

“That sounds great, sweetheart. Now if you insist on watching Waliyah and Safaa, I’m going to need you to do it till I get back from work. But afterwards you can go through with your plans, okay?”

“Thanks mom. Curfew?” Zayn asked.

“None. You’ll be leaving for college in a few weeks, Zayn. You’ll be out doing things for yourself all the time, and I’ll never even know. Here’s your introduction to responsibility.” Trisha laughed.

Zayn felt his heart warming for his mother’s words. He figured him leaving home wouldn’t be too hard on her since Doniya had already left, and she knew what it would be like. Still, Zayn knew deep down that she was a lot more worried about things than she let on.

“Have a good day at work!” Zayn opened his arms and pulled his mother in close for a hug. She definitely needed one at the moment, and so did he.

“Thanks love. I’ll see you later.” Trisha parted from Zayn’s arms and continued down the hall out the door.

Zayn rushed to his room to get his phone, completely ignoring the fact that he needed to use the bathroom. He told his mother he had plans for the night despite not actually having any. Trisha would be more than disappointed if Zayn were to end up staying in that night, so he decided to make legitimate plans. All it took was a simple phone call to his best friend.

A few rings later and…

“Christ sake, Zayn. It’s not even eight o’clock. What the hell is it?” Louis’ voice was scratchy and irritated.

“Did I wake you? I’m sorry. Not really.” Zayn scoffed.

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Wait, no! Let’s do something tonight.” Zayn was hesitant. He really hadn’t left the house much at all this summer.

“Heartbroken Zayn wanting to go out? I’m all in!” Louis laughed.

“Good.” Zayn said.

“This is actually perfect. Niall and I were planning on going to this party a bit out of town tonight. We did a coin toss to see who would be the designated driver, and I won! Drinking without a friend is no fun though, but now that you’re coming along it’ll be great!” Louis’ voice radiated with excitement.

“Hold on, a party? Can’t we start small? I’ve been in all summer. Let’s just go to like a movie or something.” Zayn sighed.

“Malik, no. I’ve been looking forward to this party all week, and like I said I won a coin toss. I’m not backing down. It’ll be fun! You and I can get wasted together like the good old times before you got a boyfriend and abandoned me.” Louis remarked. Zayn knew he was joking, but he couldn’t help wonder if there was a bit of truth to it. The thought sort of stung.

“Fine. But I’m not drinking. I’m not in the mood.” Zayn said.

“Fantastic! I’ll let Niall know, but for now I need the rest of my beauty rest. Toodles!” Louis hung up the line as soon as he finished speaking.

Zayn continued on with the day hoping that he truly could start feeling better for his mother’s sake, and he spent some time thinking hard about all the future possibilities instead of moping about the past again. His sisters weren’t much of a bother to him since they were both old enough to want to be left alone half the time. Safaa busied herself watching television and playing with a deck of cards while Waliyah’s face didn’t leave her cell phone being at that age where “coolness” is all that mattered.

Luckily he never felt that way. Zayn was always one to stick to doing what made him happiest and to never fall into peer pressure. His passion for comics always seemed a bit odd to his peers, but within recent years it’s become more accepted as something normal. Zayn never cared anyways. And sure he’d occasionally do something incredibly reckless and stupid just because he was with Louis and Niall, but he was still always himself despite anything. Hopefully college would be able to take his creative passions a step forward from high school – another thing he had to look forward to.

The hours seemed to drag on. Not doing anything with his time was the worst since his head would travel to all the places he tried to keep off limits for his mind. Zayn spent most of the day in his room sketching random pictures that definitely did not look like Cliff, and also searching the internet trying to find some sort of inspirational quote that would not only get him through the rest of the summer, but maybe even make a good tattoo to get for when he was finally on his own.

Time ticked by slowly, but soon enough it was six o’clock, and Trisha was back home to relieve him of his “babysitting” duties. The girls always got the brightest of smiles whenever their mother would return home. Zayn knew he was lucky that the remains of his family were perfectly functional and happy. He hoped his absence wouldn’t hurt them too badly.

With his mother settled and his sisters occupied, Zayn made his way to his bedroom so he could start getting ready for this party that he didn’t really want to go to. Partying was never his thing. He didn’t mind smoking the occasional blunt or getting completely smashed on random shots Niall concocted mostly because it was always only him and the guys having a good time. Though those occasions happened less frequently once he started dating Cliff. Cliff always had an opinion on something, but Zayn liked that about him most of the time.

_Stop thinking about him, idiot._

Parties were social events, and Zayn hated most of his peers. The superficiality of high school was more bothered him more than anything he could think of. That’s why he was friends with Louis and Niall, because they were real individuals with their own ideas and personalities. Their eccentric nature and loud mouths drew Zayn into befriending them mostly because they helped bring out the fun in him. Zayn was reserved and quiet. Many people took that as inapproachable, but his best friends knew the truth.

He opened up his closet door to find an outfit that was reasonable to wear. He hated the summer heat, but didn’t really feel like wearing shorts. A pair of plain black skinny jeans would probably be okay for the night time. As for shoes, he always loved wearing the same ratty pair of black Converse.

Picking a shirt out was a lot harder than it needed to be. Zayn searched through the ones hanging, looking at each one and determining if they were appropriate for the occasion. Normally he didn’t put too much thought into outfits, but he was going to a party in a sour mood. He might as well treat himself by trying to look as good as possible. The struggle to find a top continued until he suddenly came across this one shirt. The one shirt that would express his emotions for the night perfectly, or at least how he hoped to feel – a grey short sleeved crewneck with the word “OK” written in big and bright red letters. Perfect. Really perfect.

Hairstyling was surprisingly simple. The thickness of his black hair usually worked against him when trying to put up his favorite quiff, but he managed without much effort. Zayn stood before the mirror inside of his room looking at the final result of his efforts. The outfit was a lot simpler than he originally thought, but it was too late to try to change it now. He stared into the eyes of his own reflection that were covered by his large glasses. The bags that lay beneath his eyes were noticeable because of his intense lack of sleep.

It was in that moment of looking profoundly into the reflection of his hazel eyes that Zayn realized - _this really is life now._ No more boyfriend, no more love, no more of anything besides school and the worry of growing up alone. He shook the thoughts out as quickly as they came. It wasn’t the time for more drowning in sadness again.

Zayn knew he wasn’t the least bit energized to be going to this party, but there was no backing down now. The silence of his room broke when he heard his phone begin to vibrate from a call.

“You almost here?” Zayn answered without even looking at the caller ID. It wouldn’t be anyone else.

“Coming to ring the doorbell as we speak. Niall and I gotta say hi to your lovely mom of course.” Louis said, and Zayn could nearly hear the cheeky smirk his friend had on his face over the phone. “By the way, Niall and I bussed here so we’ll be taking your car.”

“Of course you guys did.” Zayn heard the sudden ring of the doorbell and hung up the line.

He made his way back down the stairs ready to take on this night no matter how out of place he would feel. It was his time to be okay.

By the time he reached the front door, his mother had already welcomed the two boys into their house, and they stood chatting away. Zayn rolled his eyes. He didn’t understand why his friends insisted on buttering up his mom so much. She’d already given him the permission to go out with no curfew – no begging required.

“Don’t get into too much trouble boys. Wouldn’t want you getting thrown in jail only three weeks before you’re supposed to start college.” Trisha joked with them.

“No worries Mrs. Malik. We’ll just be hanging about and doing what the teens love doing. You know, hanging out.” Niall replied, obviously trying to sound discrete about the party plans. But he failed miserably with his choice of words.

“Let’s head out now guys.” Zayn ushered Louis and Niall out the door before giving his mother a kiss on the cheek and saying his goodbyes for the night.

The three friends walked down the front of the house to reach Zayn’s car which was parked on the streets. The sun was still out, but low enough that Zayn knew it wouldn’t be long before it went down completely. The night was always his biggest terror these days.

“Where is this party exactly?” Zayn asked turning into both of his friend’s directions.

“It’s like half an hour away.” Niall said casually.

“Half an hour? That’ll make it a completely different town.” Zayn sighed.

“Don’t worry Zayn. Niall and I have already established that we’ll pay for the gas.” Louis was back to being cheeky and manipulative. Zayn could feel it, even though Louis wasn’t actually saying much. It was the look on his face that Zayn knew too well.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you this dressed up in forever.” Niall smiled at him.                       

“I’m not even dressed up, but thanks anyways.” Zayn replied.

“Well it’s a good thing even at your lowest you still look smoking because I have this feeling tonight will be amazing!” Louis winked as he snagged the shotgun seat leaving Niall in the back, and Zayn of course in the driver’s spot.

The wink made Zayn suddenly suspicious of his best friends’ plans. He started the engine and drove off listening closely to Louis’ directions. He felt his stomach start to tie into a million knots. It had been such a long time since he did anything like this. The thought made him more nervous the closer they got to the party. This night was going to be very interesting, whether that interesting be good or bad was yet to be determined.

*

By the time the boys reached the party the sun had set and from the looks of it things seemed to be in full gear. Zayn slowly cruised down the residential streets searching for a place to park his car. The house was nothing less than extravagant. The structure was grand and looked like it could be worth millions. It was an odd piece of architecture only because the surrounding houses weren’t nearly as lavish.

“There’s a party at a rich dude’s house!” Niall sang.

“Quoting the party queen herself, I like how fast your brain works!” Louis giggled and began harmonizing Ke$ha with Niall.

“Do you guys even know anyone who will be here?” Zayn wondered out loud. He couldn’t believe there was any way his friends hung out with anyone from the likes of this scene.

“Actually, this lovely lad who came to my work invited me. A real coffee addict I think cause he’s always there. I guess he knows a good party animal when he sees one!” Louis cheered, his voice filled with an amount of excite that Zayn almost threw up thinking about.

“Someone trying to hit on you Tommo?” Zayn replied.

“Not at all. I believe it was his girlfriend who invited me, but it’s his house I think so I just said he did. He didn’t seem to have a problem with it.”

“Fantastic.” Zayn scoffed.

Zayn finally found a place to park after trailing the same area a dozen times. The three friend’s leaped out the car and headed into the unknown territory.

The front door was already opened so they happily avoided an awkward ringing of the doorbell at a house their unfamiliar with. They made their way inside the huge house and to no avail it was just as extravagant inside as it was outside. The dude’s parents were obviously loaded. High ceilings and crystal chandeliers were a recurring theme, as well as some classic paintings that Zayn recognized from taking Art four years in a row.

People crowded the halls, not a single hand empty of a drink. Music was blasting from every corner, playing the most obvious top 40 songs of the summer. Zayn turned to find his friends, but their presence was no longer, and he was standing alone in a house where he didn’t know a soul. They were probably already off getting drunk or high or both.

_Thanks guys._

Zayn stood in a corner not really knowing what to do with himself. This wasn’t what he wanted to be doing. He wanted to be with his friend’s doing something less crowded and overwhelming. This night sucked already like most of his summer. He walked through the crowds of drunken teenagers to find the punch bowl. He grabbed a cup and filled it to the rim with whatever spiked juice this was.

Zayn wasn’t going to drink, but he’d rather not stand around with nothing looking like an idiot.

After a failed search for Louis and Niall, he made his way out the front door. He needed to breathe. He needed fresh air because the crowds made him feel like he was going to cave in on himself. Luckily for him there was a lawn sing connected to a tree in the lawn.

_I might as fucking well._

He sat by himself for over an hour. It was no different than what he would be doing if he’d just stayed home. Frustration wasn’t making things any easier for his chest, and he began to feel empty and heavy once again. He was alone once again – the way he’ll probably spend the rest of his life.

“I didn’t think we had any wallflowers around here.” A voice came from behind.

Zayn looked over his shoulder and lifted his black-rimmed glasses to find another boy making his way towards him. The darkness from the absence of sun made it hard for him to see. Thankfully dim glows of the light from the house and stars helped him make out the basics of the other boy’s outer appearance. His skin was just a shade lighter than Zayn’s own slightly tan skin, and his hair was mostly buzzed off brown with hints of the dirtiest blonde. The more Zayn thought about it – the more cliché it sounded.

“I’m not. I’m just not really in the mood to do anything other than sit here with a drink in hand that I can’t actually sip because I’m the designated driver.” Zayn’s response became instantaneous as the boy made his way towards him.

“Dragged along by friends, I assume?” He sat himself on the swing next to Zayn. He was close enough to see clearly now. His eyes were that typical warm brown color you’d expect from someone with his looks, and he was well-built physically. At least compared to Zayn’s not-so-toned physique, and his voice was deep. He was wearing a green flannel over a plain white tee and a pair of regular blue jeans. His shoes were surprisingly as beaten and torn as Zayn’s. All around, he seemed just like your typical high school douche bag.

“Yes sir.” Zayn responded simply. He didn’t want to keep babbling.

“Why not say no? You look like you’re more in the mood to be hiding under a blanket all alone honestly – with that frown and all.” The smile the boy kept while he spoke was almost too bright for Zayn to take in, and the huge cheek dimples only began to once again remind him of Cliff – the last person he wanted to think of, but the only person he was able to.

“Well my friends were very insistent. But I told them I didn’t want to wash away sorrow by intoxication. Now here I am just swinging back and forth on some guy’s lawn swing.” Zayn sighed. This wasn’t how he wanted to be spending his night. His mind was too filled with confusion over Cliff to be out partying.

“My name is actually Liam, but I guess ‘some guy’ works too.” He laughed.

“Sorry, I didn’t know. My friends and I don’t really live here.” Zayn sighed with a bit of embarrassment.

“I didn’t think so since I’ve never seen you around before.” Liam still retained his smile as he spoke.

“My apologies again – this time for party crashing.” Zayn felt his body begin to sink into himself as he mumbled his words, and his thoughts wandered along – _this really was a bad idea._

“Stop apologizing. No need. Permission to crash is granted.” Liam assured.

“Thanks.”

“So what’s with the sour mood anyways?”

“Long story.” Zayn looked towards the boy he’d just met. Liam was still smiling as brightly as before, even after asking such a loaded question. His eyes’ never left Zayn’s direction.

“I’m not really doing anything else.” Liam responded.

“Shouldn’t you be hosting this party? You know running laps, going between people making sure everyone’s having a good time, assuring yourself that your house isn’t getting too fucked up.” Zayn scoffed. He couldn’t help but try to brush it off.

“See that’s exactly what I was doing until I saw you sitting here alone. Like you said I need to make sure everyone is having a good time, and you’re obviously not. So let me help.” Liam said.

“Am I really that transparent?” Zayn looked away and laughed. He knew it was written all over his face.

“Something is bothering you. All I have to do is sit here, let you explode about it, and listen. It works every time with my girlfriend. Though I’m usually the person she’s exploding about.” Liam’s invitation seemed genuine, and Zayn found himself feeling warmed by the gesture.

“You sound like you make a wonderful boyfriend.”

“Oh I do, trust me.”

“I don’t know why, but I do.”

“Go on then, explode.” Liam waved his arm signaling for Zayn to confess.

“My boyfriend isn’t going to college.” Zayn sighed.

“Boyfriend?” Liam asked – the look on his face being one of surprise.

“Is that a problem?”

“Not even a little bit.”

“That’s actually where you’re wrong. Him – being my boyfriend – is a problem. Or I mean he was my… Not anymore. I don’t know. We always talked about how after we graduated high school we’d go to the same college, discover the world together. But then he told me he hadn’t actually applied to any schools, and I sort of flipped out on him.”

“So you’re upset because the plan changed? I understand, I mean it happens you just gotta…”

“No see I stopped being upset over that. It was what he wanted right? So why would I be so against his wishes when as his boyfriend I’m supposed to love him unconditionally? I realized all that, went to his house to apologize after two weeks of silence, and caught him with his pants down around someone who wasn’t me.”

Liam’s eyes widened to Zayn’s confession, and it was obvious a bit of tension had risen in the boy’s body.

“Dick move.” Liam said.

“Literally.” Zayn couldn’t help but joke.

“You guys are still going out?”

“We never actually officially said so. After I caught him in the oh-so-very-scandalous act of cheating on me, I just ran away. I haven’t spoken to him since.”

“Well obviously you need to dump this asshole.”

“Obviously.”

“How long has it been?”

“A few months. Basically all summer.  I don’t know. I guess a part of me was hoping he’d show up at my doorstep begging for me to take him back. It’s stupid.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t wait around for him. Dump him. Leave him behind. Let him go run off to do nothing. Leave him be with the other dirt bag he cheated on you with because quite frankly he doesn’t deserve you. And you don’t deserve to be stuck with someone with no heart.”

“How do you know what I deserve? I’ve known you for about five minutes.”

“Because I know people. And I know that you’re better than some douche who’s stupid enough to cheat on someone like you.”

“Someone like me.” Zayn sighed. “I’m not that sure I’m anything important. How could I be when the one person I thought loved me the most just broke me into a million pieces? And mostly likely will never come back to pick them up.” The words were hard to let out. It seemed like something he never admitted out loud before. These thoughts he kept all in his head or in his journal, he was hoping they would stay there. But reality had a different plan.

Zayn closed his eyes trying to hold back tears before he continued on, “It’s strange though. When you get your heart broken. It’s the fond memories that hurt you the most because you just miss them so much. The good thoughts are the ones that are like knives stabbing you straight in the gut. I loved Cliff because we had an understanding of each other and things were so easy. I thought at least. Stupid Zayn.”

“That was very thoughtful. Heart breaking, but beautiful. The way you think is endearing.” Liam wasn’t looking at Zayn anymore while he spoke, but Zayn knew his words were honest. He could see the admiration in Liam’s eyes as he looked off into the dark.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel insecure.

“This conversation has gone too deep. And I’ve said too much you probably don’t want to hear.” Zayn exhaled heavily trying to let this weight off his shoulders.

“Look at me.” Liam turned back to the boy.

“Why?”

“I want you to look at me, Zayn.”

“How did you figure out my name?”

“Because you just said it, now would you just look at me?” Liam let out his smile again, and Zayn felt welcomed by it.

“Fine.” Zayn said. He was confused no doubt.

“Zayn. Don’t blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault.”

“But you don’t even really know who I am. Maybe I’m…”

“No, no, no. Let me finish, quiffy.”

Zayn huffed.

“Look I seriously doubt you’re some crazy boyfriend. There’s never an excuse for cheating. I think this is actually the greatest thing that’ll ever happen to you. Now you can prioritize yourself. You are who matters to you. And that’s the way it always will be.” Liam spoke from the heart like he was returning a favor to Zayn for being so open with him.

In that moment, Zayn felt his spirit lift just the slightest bit. This boy he’d only met mere minutes ago had already somehow told him words that he’d known all along yet refused to believe. Somehow hearing them from someone else, especially someone who seemed so sure of things, made him understand in ways he didn’t before.

Before Cliff came along Zayn was very much about doing things for himself. Whatever he needed to be happy he’d do it. It wasn’t until now that Zayn realized how much of himself he gave up, and not in the sense of a personality change. More so in the sense that he stopped thinking about what was important for his needs. But not anymore. Liam was right. In a few months he’d be off in a completely different town attending college. It was his chance to finally start new and focus on himself without Cliff.

“This conversation got really dramatic really fast.” Zayn realized he’d been staring at Liam for a long while now and began to blush.

“It’s cause my brain gets really deep when the moon is out. Figures, this is usually the time I work on my essays for school.” Liam let out a small laugh, and Zayn couldn’t help but join in.

“Thanks for the spiel though. You put it into perspective better than anyone else I’ve spoken to.”

“It was simple to figure out, no problem at all really.”

The two boys sat in silence after that, neither of them knowing if there was anything worth adding to the conversation. It was a comfortable feeling for both of them, not really knowing much about each other yet talking about these things that to anybody else would probably seem incredibly personal.

There was a sudden boom that startled Zayn and Liam. They both turned to see that a pair of two boys came crashing out the front door of the house.

_Of course. Of course it’s them._ Zayn thought to himself once he could see clear as day who the three troublemakers were.

“Zayn, is that you?” Niall’s voice called.

“We have to leave, Zayn. We have to go like right now.” It was Louis who spoke this time, and with closer inspection Zayn could see that he was already wasted and stumbling in Niall’s arms.

“What the hell did you do now?” Zayn asked.

“Lou here, for some reason, thought it was a good idea to make out with some meatheads girlfriend.” Niall said.

“Tommo making out with a lady?” Zayn questioned. He could see from the side that Liam was watching the madness unfold with nothing but a smirk.

“Not surprising really seeing as he’s drunk off his ass.” Niall laughed.

“Put him in the car. I’ll be there in a second.” Zayn said throwing Niall the keys.

“Zaynie! Don’t hate me! Do you hate me? I was just having a bit of fun… Hey! That’s the guy from work! Sorry I ruined your party. So sorry!” Louis words came out as one big slur showing how out of it he truly was.

“You probably didn’t do as much damage as you think.” Liam laughed.

“Just don’t puke all over my seats, and we’ll be perfect.” Zayn yelled after his the boys.

Niall continued on dragging Louis off to Zayn’s car and soon disappeared. However, he could still hear a drunken Louis going off about how he could’ve beat the crap out of the meathead had Niall given him the chance.

“Sorry about that.” Zayn laughed.

“What did I say about apologies?”

“Right. Sor… Never mind.” Zayn felt like a complete idiot. He couldn’t stop repeating apologies.

“You’re really something, Zayn.” Liam teased and Zayn’s cheeks became flush again.

He turned to face Liam once again, both boys now standing up instead of on the swing. It wasn’t as awkward as it should be, Zayn thought to himself. The comfort feeling was almost overwhelming. Zayn stood smiling, and Liam was there in front of him with a smirk, upward turned nose, and his hands in his pockets.

“I better get going then.  Maybe I’ll see you around, Liam.” Zayn said.

“Of course.” Liam nodded, and with that Zayn walked into the night following the trail of his two asshole friends.

He met his friends at the car and headed back home. Louis was passed out in the back seat, and Niall was in front next to Zayn. Zayn was smiling from ear to ear.

“You look like you’re in a better mood. Did you get that guy’s number?” Niall teased.

“What? Not at all. I’m just… I don’t know. I’ve had some clarity on the whole Cliff thing.”

“Took you long enough.”

“Shut up.” Zayn went back to focusing on the drive.

He dropped the two boys off at Niall’s place and helped Niall drag Louis into the house.

The drive to his house was a completely comfortable silence. When he got home nobody was awake. Zayn went up to his room and climbed in bed, spending a bit of time looking at the ceiling and how much of himself he needed to start rediscovering. There was a lot of work to do, but he was ready and willing.

_Thank you, Liam._

And soon enough – Zayn drifted away and slept the whole night through.

 


End file.
